Resolving Conflict - it's a Leader's Job

I was asked to run a one day workshop once that had the title, “Dealing with Difficult People” and within the first 5 minutes, I was put right by a delegate who told me in no uncertain terms that there is no such thing as difficult people, just people who are different to you. I have relayed this story to many people over the years and it’s a good personal reminder that the perception of what is ‘difficult’ is mine and subsequently how we view ‘difficult’ is but a mindset.

So often, how we view conflict is also based on our personal perception and whether we have a mindset that sees conflict as a challenge, or as a real opportunity to enhance a relationship, a team, or the business at large.

Whatever your perception may be about conflict, a leader's job is to recognise what is causing it, address it and bring it to a swift and fair resolution. Leadership is a contact sport, so while you may feel the fear, we owe it to ourselves and our organisations to get involved and develop our skills in tackling conflict.

What Causes Workplace Conflict?

There are many dictionary definitions as to what conflict is. The Collins English Dictionary states that;

“Conflict is serious disagreement and argument about something important. If two people or groups are in conflict, they have had a serious disagreement or argument and have not yet reached agreement.”

Unsurprisingly, there are many causes of conflict in the workplace. Whilst the cause of most conflict often boils down to poor communication and a lack of emotional self-regulation, an article on Managing Conflict at nibusinessinfo.co.uk identifies five major causes of conflict in the workplace. As you read through them, perhaps reflect upon those which are the ones that are most common in your world and consider the questions posed.

1. Personality clashes – What’s the personality mix like in the team you are part of? How good is the team at dealing with the differences that exist? How could you develop the culture of the team to be more appreciative of differences?

2. Unrealistic needs and expectations – Is your team clear about what you expect from them? Are you sure about what your boss wants from you? What could you do to get more clarity?

3. Business values – Is the way your business operates deemed to be fair? Is there anything you could be doing to enhance this?

4. Unresolved workplace issues – Are there any lingering issues within your team that should have been dealt with by now? What’s your role in this?

5. Increase in workload – Is your team being pushed too hard? Is there, as we discussed in the last month’s blog, a possibility of ‘team overload’?

Conflict Resolution - Styling it Out

Back in the 1970s, Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilman created their now well-known conflict resolution model, based around assertiveness (how much you try to solve and resolve for your preferred outcomes) and cooperativeness (how far you want to resolve the other party’s issues).

They defined conflict as: ‘where two or more people or groups care about things that are contradictory to each other’.

The Thomas Kilman model has five main styles for conflict resolution.

Which is your natural preference and how skilled do you think you are at flexing your style?

1. Competing. Assertive and non-Cooperative

2. Accommodating. Accepting and cooperative

3. Avoiding. Unassertive and uncooperative

4. Collaborative. Both assertive and cooperative

5. Compromising. Falling midway between assertiveness and cooperation.

Although we could all come up with a good argument as to when any of the styles might be the best to use, depending on the context of the situation, Collaboration is often the most successful, as both parties are likely to come out with a result that suits. Compromise could be a good short-term solution, yet Collaboration is likely to be the goal.

This means of course not entering the conflict resolution with a win/lose, a lose/win or dare I even suggest a lose/lose mindset!!

5 Top Tips for dealing with conflict

Mike Myatt wrote 5 Keys of Dealing with Workplace Conflict for Forbes back in 2012 (how long ago does that sound already!) and he identified 5 great tips for dealing with conflict.

1. Define acceptable behaviour. Define the culture and behaviours you want to see more of. Create a framework for clear decision-making and defined roles and responsibilities. Encouraging sound business practices in collaboration, team building, leadership development and talent management, will all help avoid conflict.

2. Hit conflict head on. By actually seeking out areas of potential conflict and proactively intervening in a just and decisive fashion you will likely prevent certain conflicts from ever arising. If a conflict does flair up, you will likely minimise its severity by dealing with it quickly.

3. Understanding the WIIFM Factor. Understanding the other professionals' WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) position is critical. It is essential to understand other’s motivations before weighing in. The way to avoid conflict is to help those around you achieve their objectives.

4. The Importance Factor. Pick your battles and avoid conflict for the sake of conflict. However, if the issue is important enough to create a conflict, then it is surely important enough to resolve.

5. View Conflict as Opportunity. Hidden within virtually every conflict is the potential for a tremendous teaching/learning opportunity. Where there is disagreement there is an inherent potential for growth and development.

How many of those strategies are you currently employing and which ones stand out as ideas to put into action?

Conflict at work is to some degree inevitable. Yet if we are well prepared and proactive in dealing with it, great learning can take place, with relationships enhanced. Dealing with conflict is a leadership skill. Perhaps this is a good time to reflect on how effective your ability to deal with conflict is.