A sandwich course in Appreciative Leadership and the importance of feel-good feedback.

“I just wanted to say how much I enjoy working with you. You show such passion for what you do; I learn so much when I work with you. You are a fantastic role model and you give great feedback; you really know how to get the best out of me. I really appreciate it.”

How would you feel if you were to be on the receiving end of such a rave review? Would you be quick to dismiss the praise as insincere smoke blowing? Granted, the example given may feel a bit OTT, but I am always interested to find out how leaders feel on receiving sincere positive feedback or praise.

Does it make you feel good?

How gracious are you at receiving positive feedback? Does it make you feel awkward, pleasantly surprised, or do you recoil in toe-curling embarrassment? Could it leave you in a total state of apathy or even suspicion about the other person’s agenda? Whether it’s one of these options, or something completely different, it will say something about your ability and appetite for creating a positive feedback-rich culture, which as we all know, is a core discipline for a learning organisation. 

Appreciate the positive

We all want to feel valued, right? So it should be such an easy aspect of leadership communication, and yet it seems that so many of us find it far more difficult to take a positive compliment than the more developmental kind.  In addition, it appears that a sizeable proportion of today’s leaders are more comfortable with identifying what is wrong rather than what is right when it comes to assessing their team’s performance.

Added together, it might suggest that positive appreciation might become a dying art. Just because we don't find it comfortable to receive positive feedback doesn't mean we should stop giving it to others. Over time it could feel a thankless task to work for a leader who never accentuates the positive.

For sure, there are some types of personality who prefer their feedback with a more critical flavour, so they can learn and improve, but we all require at least the occasional positive stroke to keep us pointing in the right direction. The skill of “catching people doing things right” is integral to a leader’s role of nurturing and empowering their people to grow and develop, so it’s well worth being more generous with evidence based praise. 

Revamp the sandwich

The infamous, if a bit stale, praise sandwich (most of us know it as another unpleasant kind of sandwich!) has always positioned the acknowledging positive stuff as just the bread, which, let’s face it, is never the reason why we buy a butty is it? So here’s a few pointers that might redress the balance and reinvent the offer.

#1 - Praise doesn’t have to come as part of a package

Sometimes, positive comments don’t have to be balanced with a suggestion for improvement. People just listen for the “but...” Despite what you’ve been told before, even if you have an idea how can they improve, save it for a later date – let them bask in the glory of your affirmation, for a few hours at least. You don’t always have to dilute to taste – buttered toast makes a perfectly good snack on its own.

#2 - Keep it fresh and timely

Who enjoys stale bread? When you see or hear something that you think is worthy of recognition, say something in the moment. Great feedback is great because it is often timely and relevant and therefore has more meaning and resonance with the receiver. It’s no use keeping it to yourself, and it adds no value saving it for a rainy day. Stale and soggy really isn’t a winning combination.

#3 – Pay attention to the quality of your ingredients

We all appreciate good quality fare, and so it should be when we show our appreciation. The more we are considered and specific in our feedback, the more authentic it is, and the more likely it is to be well received, and ultimately the better the chances are for the good behaviour to be repeated, which after all is one of the key reasons why we do it.

#4 – Own your own recipe  

It’s you that has seen reason to provide positive feedback, so don’t reduce the impact by speaking on behalf of others, unless you can provide evidence that it is also their feedback too. Take ownership for your own feedback – and remember, don’t forget to share how you feel. Incidentally, I have found that many managers often struggle to find the words to describe emotions, let alone positive ones. Here are a few to start you on your way; proud, thankful, hopeful, grateful, inspired, humbled, amazed, amused, energised.

#5 – Enjoy the offer - BOGOF

Research suggests that giving someone positive feedback makes you feel good, so set yourself a target of making yourself feel good every day, by being quick to praise, where praise is due. Go on – use your loaf and enjoy the benefit of paying it forward.